Why do they always run at me?

Big dirty spider that is. Lucikly my Dad pulld off a superman worthy swoop and got it
before it ran oer my foot. Best not be any waiting for me at home.

AND...I got a date I got a date...without a date :S as in calendar date not person. Well, it's a drink. But I like her.  And she's obviously not running from me which is a start. And she's gay. And she's one of the four. God I make myself sound bad...We shall see but :D good times all round. Can't wait. Just hope I have the money at the time...but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.


William was rather excellent yesterday :) got my first couple of blisters on my hands, proud times. Hope I'm doing well on him. I also hope something comes up for my sister, point one because I know how much she loves horses and how capable she is but point two because I think it would drive me mad to have a constant cling on and a constant face everytime she can't come, she can't ride or I want to go on my own.

Our local shithole club Siberia is closing next week, end of an era. From the ages 16-18 I actually lived there. I was there every wednesday without fail. So next wednesday for old times, we're off there to cause some trouble, throw some shapes and get so drunk we probably fall over like old times. I just hope I'm not in work at silly oclock thee next day...

God corrie are really over doing with the gayness now...first gay kiss, sophie and sian and now ken's grandson whoever he is has just come out. You can be too diverse you know.
And now Tyrone and the ambulance have turned up just as the babys coming out of mollys fanny. As if. 'Oh my god it's him!' nahh mate, it's ken barlow, who the frig did you think was gonna be coming out from down there?!

I got a bit excited before cos I thought I might have to sell Molly cos car insurance is just a joke these days and I was totally gonna buy Bob but then direct line saved the day...ah well, maybe one day I'll drive out of bury...

Time to take your own advice.

"  Shabby has declared that she loves Caoimhe and, after questioning the motives behind her flirtatious behaviour, has decided to confront her on how she truly feels.

After drinking some of the alcohol provided by Big Brother earlier on tonight, Caoimhe and Shabby started playfighting while waiting for the Diary Room, during which they hugged and kissed. When the two went to talk to Big Brother, Caoimhe was asked to leave the Diary Room to clean one of the bathroom mirrors that the pair had drawn on with toothpaste. When Shabby came to join her, she revealed that she had made "lustful comments" about her in the Diary Room, which Caoimhe appeared to be clearly uncomfortable with.

The duo were later sat in the garden talking to Ife when Caoimhe grabbed Shabby's breasts, causing her to march angrily back into the house. After sarcastically praising Shabby for lasting an hour without storming off, Ife grabbed Caoimhe and told her that she had to be careful with how she acts around Shabby.

"You just don’t know how things can be edited," Ife stressed. "You don’t want to be seen as leading someone on."

Caoimhe thanked Ife but said that she was going to bed, stating: "I can't be arsed with this shit."

She was joined in bed by Shabby and the two appeared to be straightening things out, until the 24-year-old squatter headed back out into the main house.

"It's just so hard," Caoimhe told Nathan, who was resting in the bed opposite. "I don’t realise that she feels like that anymore. What am I supposed to do? Am I supposed to just back off?

"I'm probably going to be portrayed as a fucking lesbian…I've forgotten about what she's said to me, I don’t register, I don’t believe it. She doesn’t flirt with me, we’re just good friends.  "



Rule Number 1  Shabby, never get yourself a straight girl crush. It's never going anywhere good.

At one.

No nothing in particular is happening at one, I'm just at one with the world. Which seems a less likely story in my life these days. Let's revel in it. Anything you need to talk to me about, do it now. 


I even watched Titanic before and that couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I just thought, imagine dealing with that in your life? Thank god I don't have to, see it could be so much worse. I have these days once in a blue moon, I'll be back to my old bitter self tomorrow over something or other. I'm even listening to Joy Division right now, apparently it is possible to do that and be happy. 


Woke up this morning hand had a voicemail from priory. Rang them back, references received and understood and i start next monday. I can get on the payroll for end of september aswell :) very large relief. So so nervous though. I really hope I don't fuck up or say anything stupid like i usually do. It's not milkshakes at risk in this job, it's lives. Man that was deep.


Anyway, then I phoned the job centre and I will be getting my housing benefit and job seekers for the brief and horrid time I was unemployed. Get in. Tax payers can pay my Nan back, nice one. Well, you do owe me one by now guys.


Then I went to see William. Bring him in, groom him, give him his tea, do a few stable jobs. I'm in my element. I love him already. I just feel so chilled and peaceful when I'm with him. Like none of my problems matter and I can just relax. I also love the smell of hoof oil. I probably shouldn't sniff it too much, it probably has a similar effect to poppers. Or crack, who knows. I think we're getting on well though. He came to me as soon as he saw me in the field today, so proud. He probably thought he was going on another hack and getting all excited bless him cos his best pal tried to follow. Tomorrow maybe, weather permitting. And he best behave haha. I think this is going to be good times.


Then I've had an invite out tomorrow, party time with Lauren, so excited. I love our party time. No drama just laughs, moves and drunk chatting shit. 


I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.
Citalopram is the shit.


And it's not really bothering me that my love life seems to be a dying spark right now. It's too complicated. It's not like i have a shortage of people I like. it's just on has a girlfriend and isn't interested, one has a girlfriend and is very interested (see do I just go back to my old ways and just do it anyway? Fuck karma in the arse, it's done it enough times to me this year?), one is in denial about being obsessed with her ex and the other lives a bit far away and is a possible commitment phobe. But I'm not sure I mind that. God knows what state of mind I'm in. And might I add, she is very hot.


Anyway as you can see it's a headache. As the pussycat dolls once said 'I don't need a woman'...or something to that effect. But it would be nice to hit the jackpot...

Can exs be friends?

Well no, no they can't. Number deleted. Still on facebook because I am far too nosey for my own good. And to think I was naive enough to think we had a strong enough friendship to not allow any bitch to come between us because she sees me as a threat. But why thankyou for the compliment. I am rather hot aren't I.


So apparently my references are sent off to priory. We will see about this. I love how my Dad went round there all salford style I really do. I just want to start now and get myself some dids.


cos to be honest at the minute I could have a love life. But no money does kind of massively dent that. And in a weeks time i will also have no car because I have no money to insure it. I am going to go completely insane. On the upside, my legs might get even more ripped from walking everywhere.


I really want to ask this girl number 2 to come out somewhere, but I'd clearly have to whore myself to get there. Fuck M1lkshake. Fuck Papermill. Fuck jobseekers. I am now also in over a grands worth of debt and i am 20 years young. I love my life.


Girl number 1 though, despite the issues....it's probably still gonna happen and I wouldn't mind. She's just not girlfriend material.


Seem to be seeing less and less of William :/ I've been going up on  my own seeing as this yard seems to be showing it's bitchy side already. I don't take shit. I won't stand for it. I am quite content with going somewhere, putting my music on and not speaking to anyone. Going out on my own...chilling with the horse. I can have a perfectly good chat with him and I'm sure he won't comment on my riding like he's the be all and end all in the sport. 


In other riding news, I want Bob from Ryders. He's only four but he's got manners of gold, tries his best at everything and is showing promising potential. I'm just not sure of my saving skills and I'm pretty positive some bugger will get there first like with Red.


Anyway my cat's done a shit so i better go and clean it. That's the reality of my life. Sigh.

Proud of what.

Proud of messing me about or being a child and shoving me into people obviously. Proud of dyke drama? No thankyou. I'm not with her anymore, don't want to be and certainly didn't sleep with her when you two were together. Sort it out, you're clearly still in love with her. Which has been the motto all weekend as it happens.
Yeah Pride wasn't that much to write home about. Total dissapointment, endless getting ditched and talking to people I didn't know who didn't seem to want to know me either.


I watched the bit of the parade I did catch on my own...blah blah bollocks.
Kelis was well worth going to see, got so near the front and she was an absolute babe. 


But now I've come home crying feeling like no one gives a shit, this week is going to be an absolute trial and a piss take with all my bills due and about 40p to my name...


And then I remembered in the last hour or so of what's been a pretty shit and expensive weekend, I met a stunning girl who is absolutely lovely and not into ditching people and messing them around at all. And suddenly 20 pound for the ticket and 18.50 to get not even all the way home seemed like a bargain. 

Language Timothy.

Godammit i need to get a grip. Today I'm a anxious wreck. I've had many a stress including one at a tit in the mini infront of me on the way to tesco with my Nan in the car. I even put my head out the window after noticing they had theirs down. She didn't appreciate the language. Bloody references have to be sent out AGAIN so I bet the Priory are just gonna give up on me and tell me to get fucked. My rent and all my bills are due next week and i have a grand total of 7 pounds in my bank. Nice one. At least I can get to Pride at least twice at the weekend. ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE...who the fuck am I kidding, I'm the biggest pessimist and stress head going.


Last night I rode Bridgit again and not Mr Handsome Gypsy which I was totally gutted about. Everybody loves Gypsy, it's a Ryders farm fact. But there was a point to me riding him, not just a special treat. I was going to work on keeping my leg still because he's so sensitive. So I'm a little bit pissed off, i saw Bridgit written over tippex in the diary so I know their game. Turns out we got on a lot better this week and she was ace at flexing, we clearly did the best. Well that's my opinion, thousands would probably disagree. William would be dead good at that exercise, might try him at it in a bit when I go up to see him :) I hope he'll have a calming affect on me for the sake of my sanity this weekend.


I hope that nothing else goes wrong this weekend. i have quite a few people to meet and say iyer to now and introduce Lauren to and get drunk with so so far, good times are forecast. Aswell as with the weather it would appear. Couple of showers here and there but mostly dry, SCORE. Big improvement on last years wash out with any luck. 


I just wanna dance everything away this weekend, I know that sounds gay. I'm not even that bothered about getting majorly pissed (although i probably still will) but the most important thing is to have a reyt good laugh, meet new people and for me and Lauren to just forget all the shit that's happened and have a good time. And to see Kelis, obv.


Another thing I'm really excited about is meeting up with a certain someone who I'm not going to say much about but I am very much looking forward to it :)


Got randomly given some flyers yesterday and it turns out after whinging about wanting to see MIA and it turns out she's playing warehouse project this year!...but it's sold out! Never fear The Pole will know someone who knows someone...and if she doesn't I'll be hugely dissapointed. 


I had a brew with a mate I've not seen for ages yesterday and do you know what it was dead nice. Not at all awkward or weird like you might expect when you've not seen someone for ages and it just made me wonder if i've been making the effort with all the wrong people for quite a long time now. It seems that I've had some people coming back into my life who never should've been out of it, and maybe there's certain people who I need space and a bit of time from after getting so wound up or neglected. Cause for though I think.


In other news, my Nan writes the script for Doctors. I wanted to see if this drowning woman died in this river and she said nahh she won't Jimmy will come and drag her out and save her. I don't even know another Jimmy other than my Dad to be honest but it turns out that's exactly what happened. I think I'll start listening to my Nan more.

I'd rather be with a horse.

I haven't written for a couple of days, mainly cos nout's happened. Let's be honest about these things, my life is boring.


Oh sweet jesus new NSPCC ad...it's laughable. The pretenders are hardly charity music. God i hate the NSPCC.


I have decided I am doing mays great manchester run in aid of the Thoroughbred Rehabilitation Centre. They're an amazing charity getting ex-racehorses to settle into an ordinary life and rehome them instead of putting them down, selling them for meat or dumping them. As you can see, I am not a fan of racing. Now to work towards training!


Anyway, distracted. On saturday I went down to the farm to see William :) I walked whilst Lizzie rode and he was a star! Dead calm. Even when some absolute twats on motorbikes were whizzing around. They're not even meant to be there, it's bridleways. People walk and ride horse around them dirtracks. End of. These rally dick heads are another form of human being I can't stand, no consideration for anyone. One of them even when we shouted to stop because there was horses carried on coming up behind us and whizzing up the path beside us. Someone actually could have been killed. If William was spooky he'd have been off and his rider left on the floor. Arseholes, they expect so much respect on the roads but we get fuck all back off them. it's alright son I've written to the bury times and if I see you in my car you'll get it. Suck on that.


Then I gave him a groom which he seems to appreciate by swishing his tails about ENDLESSLY as if to say omg one didn't know I had this many hairs (William would be posh, possibly a pimp or a poof we haven't quite decided yet. Although I have some lovely bows which might be that decider...) We went to see Nanerz in the field who is Lizzies other one who's an actually massive psycho but very cute and only 5, bless him. He walked with me for a bit and then gave us the eyes so we had to bring him in and occupy him for a bit.


This didn't take long as when Lizzie lunged him he basically bronked, pulled her round the school and generally didn't want to do much. It's a shame for him really cos he could be such a beautiful horse, i hope he finds the right rider. If I had the time and the patience he'd be a good project and something I could show a lot of pride in. I wanna try out the martin clunes approach! Well what he learnt about being a grizzly bear and being the protector anyway. I could do that.


Lizzie was on about going to clifton in september, I hope we do. Show all them little shits from ryders how it's done!


I hope I start my new job next week, seriously I hate daytime telly. Who even is michael ball? he's a dick head that's who. If it's not him it's alan titchmarsh and if it's not him it's loose women. A load of menapausal woman talking about sex and things they think that matters and thinking they're controversial, whenever they think they've made a valid point they give out that smug, satisfied horrid face. No love, maybe that would have been relevant or controversial in the 50s but definitely not now you wrinkley, baggy fannied tarts. Ahem...


I am extremely frustrated with the lack of work and social life as you can see. Hopefully pride will sort me out. Sammie told me she couldn't come last night and I actually cried. my life was over. Deep, I know. But Lauren has saved the day and hopefully I shall meet a nice girl there and live happily ever after...aha. I'm losing it. I've even started to try online dating...well sort of, In the hope to find single lesbians. Don't look down on me, you know you've all added someone on facebook you thought was hot for that reason. Well it's like that except you all know what you're there for so it's less awkward. Don't worry however I'm not a freak, 'do you wanna go on webcam bbz?' 'CYBER???!', 'threesome??!'...err no thanks I'm just trying to have bigger friends circle and maybe meet a real life nice girl, broaden my horizons. 


Sorry but Colin and Justin where have they dug you up from and why are you discussing kids? What do you two queers know about kids?? (I can say it, I'm gay. It's like the N bomb.) ARGH I HATE IT.


I'D RATHER BE WITH A HORSE.